To love or to heal.
Is it possible to heal something that is not ill?
Is it possible to heal the healthy?
No, it is not.
By definition alone, in the absence of illness, healing cannot exist.
Therefore, when we seek to heal ourselves, we are inevitably stating that a part of us is ill. And according to the laws of the universe, that which we believe, eventually becomes reality.
The more we try to heal ourselves, the more we support an environment that sustains imbalance and illness within ourselves. It’s really quite ironic, isn’t it?
During a meditation one day, as I sat in awareness, I noticed an interesting dynamic between two aspects of myself — the wounded and the healer.
The healer, as well intentioned as it is, keeps the wounded in need of healing, since a healer can only exist in the presence of illness.
It cannot be any other way.
During my meditation, I saw these two parts of myself.
The healer in me was so angry and frustrated with the wounded self.
The healer was tired of working so hard on healing this “broken” part of me that refused to heal. (How thoughtless , inconsiderate and selfish of this wounded self — the healer thought.)
The healer in me felt so hopeless about ever being able to heal the wounded part of me that she thought, “If you’re not going to heal no matter how hard I try, why don’t you just die already.”
I watched the healer in me destroy the wounded in me. I watched her hatred towards this wounded part of me, consume her.
I watched as she stabbed, burned and steamrolled over the part of me that refused to heal.
Sitting in awareness, I observed this interaction without judgment.
When it was all said and done, the healer in me slumped to the ground, exhausted — bloody knife in hand. The wounded self, burnt to ashes — annihilated.
The healer did not look satisfied with the result. She did not look at peace. In fact, she looked sad, discouraged and empty.
I decided to replay the scenario, and brought the healer and wounded back together, face to face. This time, I instructed the healer to just love the wounded — not try to heal her.
The healer asked the wounded, “What is it that troubles you?” The wounded in me replied, “I am not good enough to be loved.” To which the healer replied, “You are good enough to be loved by me, and I’m the only one whose love you need. Come home. My love for you is strong enough to contain you, just as you are.”
The wounded self, tired from having had to survive alone for so long, finally felt loved and accepted.
The healer wrapped her arms around the wounded, and lovingly integrated her just as she is.
This act, liberated the healer from the burden of healing. There was no more healing to be done.
The healer has become the lover.
I am a lover.
I simply love.
There is nothing else for me to do.
There is nothing else that needs to be done.
Every sacred moment is merely a beautiful opportunity for me to love.
And love…I will.